The True Heart

Today, I laid back on the couch and encountered a warm, yielding little furry body lying behind me.

I turned my head and put my ear on that little body and heard

 the soft constant rhythm of his little sweet and true heart.  He never protested, he never moved, he never indicated he didn't want me there.  He stayed and let me hear him breathing and living.

A dog might possibly have the truest heart of all creatures.

He loves unconditionally

He loves joyously

He loves constantly

And

He loves when you most don't deserve it.

And, I know I don't deserve it...a lot.  Plenty of humans make me aware of my shortcomings quite often.

But

My dogs never do.

They are happy with whatever crumbs of myself I have to offer.

Their sadness when I leave is replaced by joyous welcoming on my return.

Sometimes they rend my flesh in their enthusiasm to see me.

But

They never crush my heart.

Until

One day they will, with their lack of presence in my life, but it won't be on purpose.  It will be something they can't help.  Something inevitable in life.

The price we, as humans, pay for the privilege of great unconditional love will be the pain of having them only in our memory.

And so, listen to your dog's life spirit, breathe in the air they emit and let them breathe in you.

And

Try to emulate the true heart that comes so easy for them.

 

The Hard No

 The first time you have to to tell someone a hard no is traumatic.  It hurts both you and the person having to hear it.  It hurts because it isn't usual.......it's an uncomfortable place none of us want to visit much less live in.  We buy into the mindset that if we love, we must do everything we can.

But sometimes a hard no has to happen.  It needs to happen for us and it needs to happen for them.  Hard nos don't mean we don't love someone, they don't even mean we really at our core want to do what is asked.  In fact the no might be the biggest act of love we can offer and the proof that we know that person is fully capable of making it work without us.  They've gotten lazy, they've learned that they don't have to finagle their own solution, they don't have to think....all they have to do is ask and suddenly there we are with the life jacket, the lifeline and **poof**...problem solved.  Yes, problem solved for them, but how about us?  We've invested in something that at some point we are going to be told is none of our business.  Because people who do not like to hear a hard no, have exactly zero remorse in delivering one.

People, are at their core, pleasers.  We want to help, we want to make things better, and there is a certain little part of us that likes the heroic feeling of bringing order to someone else's chaos.

However, the continual desire to "fix" problems for others makes us, in a word, enablers.

We are enabling behavior that leads them to constantly being in need of salvation.  We are enabling them to not exercise their problem solving skills.  Skills, which up to this point have gone exactly as far as asking us.  Those life management muscles need to be built up and nourished, not starved by our constant interference....or help if you will.

So, maybe today is your day to practice a hard no........or just a regular no and start building your own ability to allow others to try, to fail, to pick themselves up, to start again and eventually to succeed.  And that will be a big old hard YES!

Everybody Polka

As our anniversary approaches this year, I am remembering our 17th anniversary and the story I wrote about our celebration. Here it is: Roger and I are celebrating 17 years of wedded mess (er.....I mean Bliss....yes, bliss.) Our life together has been nothing short of chaotic. We've been to the top of the mountain and the bottom of the abyss in these 17 years. **side note-I certainly enjoy the view much more from the mountaintop, but I digress**

 Being down only means we have to tie on some heavy duty hiking shoes, take a lot of Ibuprofen and start climbing. 

 We were fortunate to be in possession of a gift card to a local German restaurant. Of all ethnic foods, German is my least favorite, but I will enjoy anything someone else is actually paying for. 

 I truly wish I could have captured the look on Roger's face when we arrived at the restaurant and were met with Polka music. My husband is NOT a fan of "entertainment type" meals. The exception to this is the "show" at Japanese steakhouses. A huge plus to the Japanese steakhouse is they don't sing. If that ever becomes a thing I think he will not patronize them further. 

Anyway....Polka was a'playin' as we entered and, lucky us! They seated us right in front of the "stage"! On stage was a husband and wife team. She was wearing Pippi Longstockings tights with Mary Jane shoes, a plaid skirt and sweater combo. Her hair had been sprayed (or dyed) a most unusual shade of red. She played the accordion. The accordion is fascinating to me....they look very complicated and heavy to play. Her husband was suitably attired and playing what Roger kept referring to as a Flueglehorn and every now and then he sang. My husband has traveled pretty extensively so I asked if that was the way Germans sang. Stoically, he replied, "No, that is the way Louie Armstrong sings." 

To complete the band were 2 pre-school age children who spent the majority of the evening running through the restaurant, screaming and laughing and traumatizing customers. Now and then, they performed as well and I have to admit the sight of the two vunder kinder doing The Chicken Dance was pretty entertaining. They were not quite as charming trying to Polka as it caused them to have artistic differences in their delivery. 

 ARE YOU SMELLING THE ROMANCE IN OUR EVENING?! 

Our prime spot front and center made it impossible to avoid the Polka Band. Since we could be seen, it seemed incumbent on us to applaud vigorously at every opportunity. To make matters worse, the "band" insisted on engaging us in conversation and attempted to make us part of their act. Now, I can totally do those things, but Roger is not easily coerced into "acting". He is pretty shy and likes to remain unseen in public places for the most part. But, because of our visibility with the performance I felt we were obligated to "tip" the Polka Band. Now, please remember, we had a gift card for the dinner and I had not come prepared to tip both the waiter and the Polka Band. This event led to some extensive serious negotiations with our charming ex-New Yorker waiter in order to come up with a cash appreciation of the entertainment. 

Upon receipt of our tip we were asked to please take one of their promotional postcards which I fully expected would have a lot of information regarding their band. Instead.......I found only a website referenced.....wwwpolkayoureyeout.com 

Now we had both had a few glasses of wine and we puzzled over the web address for quite sometimes before tumbling to the fact it said Polka Your Eye Out. 

 In spite of everything, we actually had a great time and Polka Night taught us that all it takes to enjoy something is to let yourself be open to it. There were at least 3 big negatives about that evening that could have ruined an important event, but instead it turned into great fun and an even better memory for both of us. 

It really is all about your attitude. If you decide something is going to be crappy, it.is.going.to.be.crappy. 

But, if you decide to just let yourself go, give yourself over, join in the craziness, you just might find out that joy has jumped on the wagon with you. 

While we might never purposely choose Polka Night again.....for that night and for the memory it left........Everybody POLKA!

**side note** I have since learned that this group is now referred to as The Itinerant Locals.

Passages

Every week...and at increasing frequency it seems, I fill up my little pill container. And with the addition of a whole new week I usually find myself wondering exactly how it happened again so quickly.

My birthday at the end of February is the last "normal" day/event I remember. It was such a great time and I was looking forward to the year to follow with so much anticipation. Excitement of events that had been planned for me by my daughter and my husband. Then....the world stopped and everything changed. Plans were cancelled and a new way of existing was ushered in to all our lives. And now, there is so much less of this....

And a whole lot more of this.....

It is my fervent hope that before I have to fill up my little daily reminder very many more times, we can retake our peace because having to look at life becoming closer and closer to the end with the current climate is not very appealing.

This needs to be remembered....

Let It Go........Not Likely

Get over it. It’s Done. It's over. Shut up. The same people who have been crying in their beer for four years are telling others to get over it in 4 days. It doesn't work that way. We all get to process at our own speed. Some of us process quickly........others not so much. Remember this

For supporters of the current President this means that we get to have a minute to have a minute. He is still the President until January 20. 2021. That may be an inconvenient truth for a lot of you but unfortunately it just is. The new President (who still has yet to be determined). Yes, I know the election has been called by the media but according to our way of doing things, it is NOT the media's job to call it. But, the bigger question here is WHO is really going to step into the White House? I mean, really? In any case the new President isn't going to take his shaving kit and camp out in a spare bedroom for 2 months. And so, for the next 2 months you are most likely still going to see flags in support of the President.And, you will see a lot of American flags, some flags supporting law enforcement, The sad thing is that you never noticed those flags before, they have always been there at the center of our belief system. None of the signs, flags, caps, etc are necessarily protesting the election....but because we are supporting the beliefs we hold most sacred and the man who fought for us for 4 years while a pack of rabid dogs nipped at his heels some people are instantly "triggered". Patriotism is scary. Maybe because it seems to have gone out of fashion while we work through the laundry list of feeeelings about everything. It seems to cause no small amount of personal pain for some people to know that you can actually support a cause without tearing something up to do so. We don't feel the need to drive by your gatherings and flip you off, scream vile words at you, try to hit you with our cars (maybe that was an accident this morning and maybe it wasn't) but I saw you and I'm guessing you saw me too smiling my biggest smile and waving at you just in case it was an accident.

Conservatives are builders, we don't tear down. We have a deep and abiding respect for personal property....not just ours.....yours too. We are also people who not only fight for our own right to speak but we fight for the rights of those we don't agree with as well. And we also try to give a voice to those who cannot speak for themselves. This mindset is as foreign to the radical left as tofu is to me. Elections come and go, Presidents come and go, we all come........and go. But America remains and those people you are denegrating today are some of the people who fought for all of us, who had family members who died for all of us and they are people who will work to rebuild this country at the end of this season in time. We are not passivists and you should not mistake us. The one thing we will stand toe to toe with you on are the preservation of those Constitutional rights afforded to us by the framers of this great Republic.

I would like to tell you that you are all going to reap the four years you gave all of us, but that most likely won't happen. Because we are a little busy trying to keep the country running with our skill, our taxes and our American ingenuity. A whole lot of you only know what it means to stand with your hand out and let the government place your entire life neatly wrapped into it. So, it might be good to remember who makes all of those "hand-outs" possible. That would be us, the tax payers. Those people who right now are looking at a reality of jobs drying up due to everything being funneled overseas. Rampant inflation and all the really nice parting gifts from our foray into Socialism. Just remember, when we can't do it, you can't have it because the government doesn't make it....we do.

Shut Up

 

I have opinions.  I share opinions.  A LOT.  I don't always qualify those opinions with the disclaimer "In my opinion",  but I've noticed that opinion piece journalists don't do that either.

Conditions in America have changed.  No longer is an average American allowed to have an opinion and they are certainly NOT allowed to make anyone else aware of it.

In a climate of free speech, if you don't like what people say or write, you can walk away or just not read their submissions.  That is also a very basic right in a civilized and supposedly FREE country.  

Sadly, I have learned that this is no longer the case.  The ruling class in America is spinning a narrative and nothing else will be allowed.  Social media has been a blessing and a curse.  A blessing in the regard that it has allowed old friends to rediscover each other, and reconnect with lost family.  It has been a curse in the regard that the longer they have existed, the more power they have learned they wield.  With power, comes control, and when there are no checks on who is controlling things it can become dangerous.  We have all deposited heavy balances of ourselves into social media platforms and quite frankly "we are hooked".  Wrestling ourselves free is going to be difficult and painful.  When we decide to break free we are going to wonder what to do with ourselves.  We will eventually realize just how much of our lives we wasted tied to a keyboard and a monitor.  We were stroking our feelings with friendships that we wanted to continue but we were losing ourselves in the process.  We may be losing connections with those who are actually close to us while trying to maintain those long distance, far away connections.  We might be ignoring what is actually our job....being a functioning participating member of the human race.  Raise your hand if you are guilty..........here is mine.

Recently, I mean like yesterday I got a 24 hour lock out on my Facebook account for expressing my opinions.  Those opinions weren't even some of my more outrageous or offensive ones.  For me, they were actually pretty tame.  Oddly enough, they locked me out but left those posts up.  People could still read them so what have we accomplished here?  If they had really troublesome they would have made them go away, but instead they decided to slap my hand for sticking it in the cookie jar.  And now...."You haf been varned, comrade."   But they did teach me something....they taught me that social media has now decided THEY are in charge of what I think and how I express it.

I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.........AT ALL

I'm not okay with it for me and I am certainly not okay with it for anyone else.

I found a way to let people know that this had happened and oddly enough with a few exceptions no one really gave 2 hoots.  Talk about an eye opener!  Because I know me and if this had happened to someone I cared about I would be indignant and because I am a "fixer" I would be trying to find a way to help them.  Sooooo, I have been investing a lot of myself in a lot of things that do not invest in me.  And I have a feeling that there are a lot of people and things that might actually want and need my presence.

I am not naive enough to think I can actually unplug to the degree I know I need to but I am really going to start making changes in my life.  I still want to write because to write is to breathe.  To turn lose of all those thoughts churning and bubbling is vital.  Thoughts that have to leave my head in one way or another and for the sake of other people's sanity, I choose to not always release them verbally.  Putting thoughts into words that are tangible is tricky.  Spoken words are ether, they dissipate and are gone.  They might be vaguely recalled but they can be denied.  When you put words to print in whatever format, there is no denying them.  You have to own them, and you own them for eternity.

So, if I have to own my words and be held accountable by them, this will never be me.  I will write MY words, my thoughts and I will live and die by them.  

Because

This

Just

Doesn't

Work

FOR ME.........and honestly it shouldn't work for you either.

A Referendum of Hate

 America is waking up this morning without answers.   And, if you think for one second this is accidental then I have some lovely property of the Coast of Delusionistan selling very cheap.  We are watching the continuation of the overtaking of our election process by the American media.  The media whose very presence on election night drives the wheels one way and then the other.  Why?  Because it makes good TV and no one wants to prepare to pull an all nighter on the air and wind up going home around midnight.  And, they all seem to want to have their "I told you so moment."

In my opinion, nothing should be reported until every single polling place is closed.  To do otherwise has an impact on the psyche of Americans.  My guy is ahead so I'm tired I'll sit this one out.  Or, my guy is losing so it doesn't even matter.  And then they sit there and call a state for a candidate literally 15 minutes after the polls close, but another candidate has been leading in a state all night and "it is just too soon and too close to call."  Some of you must still be falling for the dose of castor oil disguised in a spoon full of grape jelly.

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL AMERICA?!

I'm going to venture to say that this morning the Red segment of our country is waking up exhausted from being up all night waiting for a result that never came.  We will be readily recognized by the bags under our eyes and the nodding off at our desks throughout the day.

Furthermore, I'm pretty sure the Blue section went on off to the land of Nod and slept like babies.  Why?  Because in the end if Biden has won, they can chuckle to themselves about their win and defeat of Cheeto Man and his cultish followers and really not think about what happens next.  And, if Trump had won, they would all double down in their 401ks, buy some more stock and sit back secure in the knowledge the economy would be booming and they would get to take advantage of it even though they despised the guy.  He was, after all, great for their bank accounts.

I will not believe for one second that anyone voted blue out of an adoration for Biden.  We all know he's a trojan horse, a useless puppet for the far left progressive wing of the party.  They voted for him because that was the best the Democrat party could offer and most importantly, THEY HATED TRUMP.

In a country where hate crimes are supposed to be actionable, we just perpetrated the biggest hate crime since Hitler tried to exterminate the Jewish nation.  Outraised, outspent in every direction, our President worked his butt off for US.  He didn't sit back and let huge money people pour millions of dollars into the election.  He took his fight to the ground with his policies and his promises.  He built a lot of his campaign on the contributions of small donors like me and millions of others like me who had nothing to gain by his win but a better tomorrow, a hope for the future and a country to leave to future generations.  A country not withering under Socialism but thriving with Capitalism.

He was the first person since Reagan that made me feel like he knew who I was and where I was and what my struggles were.  My life has been so much better with him in the White House.  Does he make me cringe?  Often.  Did I sometimes want to spank him and put him to bed?  Most assuredly.  But, I wasn't electing a moral compass (I have my own), or a smooth operator aka snake oil salesman.  I wanted a leader and by God, he has lead us.

Since I watched the tide turning in favor of the President late last night, watched the stock market responding with positivity and then I saw as soon as those things happened the referendum of hate stepped in, suddenly states stopped counting, media outlets refused to call states he had been leading in all night long and then calling for Biden as soon as the polls closed in others.  This morning we are hearing, maybe Friday.  Both sides have legal teams forming, Pelosi is frothing at the mouth tasting her own potential road to the White House, there has been untold billions of dollars spent...........on elections!  Elections, people.  The one thing that money should never be able to buy.  But, there it is.  How many homeless people could have been lifted out off the streets, how many poor black families lifted out of poverty and set on the road to self improvement, how many drug addicted young people could have been treated, how many little children with no warm place to sleep or enough food to eat could have enjoyed a better life and the American dream.  But no.  We have America for sale....and not cheap.

Our elections have been a disaster since Bush/Gore and the Hanging Chads (remember that lack o'talent garage band of yesteryear?)  Well, that one was sort of funny and looking back it was a piker compared to what has come after.

After almost four years of nothing but foot dragging in Congress, miles and miles of baseless accusations and hearings that went on ad nauseum, corruption so rank I can smell it all the way here and a continuous coup to unseat a President, we all needed.........no we deserve an immediate answer.  The old phrase "shoot up in here amongst us, one of us needs some relief" has never rang more true.

Win or lose, one thing I can tell you is this:  I never voted my hatred of anyone...not the Democrat party and not Joe Biden........not even Nancy Pelosi.  I voted out of love....love for my country and all it can and should be and love of my family that I want to see standing in concert lines instead of bread lines.

Over a month ago I asked the question "Give me a reason to vote Biden without mentioning Trump"  I did not get one single answer.  So, the only thing I am left with to reason out what is happening now is there was no reason other than a wide spread Referendum of Hatred and I'm pretty sure that feeling is extended to me as well.

To my Republican friends we may not be able to carry this day but we can carry others.  We can turn off the biased news and social media platforms.  We can avoid Hollywood celebrities at the box office and we can vacation (if we ever have the money to do so) in states that share our values.  We can rediscover the real America that we know and love but we will have to make big adjustments in our thinking and way of doing our daily lives.