Phantom Ghost Poop

 It wouldn't be Halloween and it wouldn't be spooky if there weren't those stories that were simply unexplainable.

Those random happenings, that movement barely caught out of the corner of your eye.  The feeling of being watched.

And we always hope the ghosts we encounter are of a benevolent character and not ones that send chairs flying across kitchens, or reach out with cold skinny fingers and tickle the back of our necks.

This morning we had an apparition that has confounded us all, leaving us wondering "what next?"

Our morning ins and outs went off flawlessly this morning.  Everyone was ready for back yard potties in preparation for a hearty breakfast.

I have a camera on the patio and honestly that thing alerts practically minute to minute as the canine population enters and exits the building at will.

On my last trip out to make sure everyone was back inside I noticed a disagreeable "offering" close to the back door.  I mean it was not a pretty sight and since we have had some tummy upsets in our bunch over the weekend I thought I needed to see who left such an unpleasant reminder and job for me.

I pulled up the camera and watched clip after clip  7:29...poop not there 7:30....no poop....7:32 nope....7:40..still nothing and on and on up to 7:48....clean as a whistle....7:49....there it is!  And yet, no offender has been captured on camera.  

Now we have had a kitty that intrudes but honestly during all that time wouldn't the dogs have clued in to its presence?  My nemesis, Sir Squirrel could be the culprit, but did he repel down from the patio ceiling, hovering and releasing quickly and zipping back up?  Perhaps, the offender has watched The Matrix too many times and knows how to avoid detection and death by laser beams.

It is a mystery.........and I am not entirely sure why I have to be the recipient of Phantom Ghost Poop.

But....I cleaned that mess of nastiness and thoroughly bleached the area.  I realize that I need to seek help, I'm not sure if I need an exterminator, a live trap or an exorcist....but depositing your remains of the day by my door is simply not acceptable.

Happy Halloween...........and POO!

The World is Sharp and Pointy and Aichmophobia is Real

Maybe it is just me but has the world suddenly filled itself with objects of the sharp and pokey variety?

Objects whose goal in life is to puncture the skin of those of us that are also becoming less agile, less able to maintain an even keel, those of us who are teeter tottering toward the end of days.

Having spent 2 weeks being treated by a wound care specialist after trying for 2 months to heal myself, I find myself developing Aichmophobia (the fear of sharp or pointed objects).  

On any given day, I find that the edge of my bathroom vanities and kitchen counters have corners that could prove fatal.  The outward facing corners of 2 walls coming together seem to have developed the ability to reach out and grab me, rolling up paper thin skin like cheap cigarette paper.

Sticks in the yard are more deadly than venomous snakes as they see me passing by and rear up one end or the other and strike at my ankles.

And let us not even consider the the tiny toenails of excited little schnauzer people thrilled beyond measure to see you after you've been gone for a whole 10 minutes.

This is a very unsettling state of affairs for me.  I have always crash, banged through life....I could have 5 projects going at once.  I was PRODUCTIVE....I could finish housework in 45 minutes (not well, but passable) and get my yard mowed and tidied, run 3 errands and still be on time for work usually looking pretty presentable.

Not anymore.

Now, I am deliberately studying my tasks for potential pitfalls and problems, I am donning protective gear....long pants, long sleeved shirts, gauntlets, gloves......I look like I'm headed out to break trail on the Continental Divide.  But, instead I am moving an extension cord from one location to another.

It is tough to find the funny in this life.  People keep telling me to slow down, take it easy, be still.

And....I honestly wish I could.

But, the child of my mother is one that sees something that needs to be done and feels driven to do it.  I don't ask for help easily.  I do appreciate it when it happens, but I think having to ask is wrong.  This too comes from my mother who never met a task she wouldn't attempt herself.  She prided herself on her ability to do things herself......and so do I.

And....I have this nagging feeling that if I let down and do less....I will never accomplish much again.

And so....instead of stopping, I slow.  I take a break more often and I am no so driven to see it all done right.damned.now.

I WILL adjust....I WILL NOT stop.  And I will become more concentrated on making sure things don't become a mess to begin with.  I will start picking up and putting away, Throwing away things that usually pile up.  I will do my best to stay productive and essential.  

And if I have to put those little felt adhesive circle thingies on the edges of all things in my house that are sharp, I will.  Because I refuse to let my home and my yard defeat me.

The night may be dark and full of terrors, but my days are full of sharp and pointies.....and I can beat them both.
 

Wounded.....Healing

 The episode with the deep wound on my leg has led to much introspective thinking.  It was forced on me by the neccessity of being still.  I do not go quietly into stillness...it is not my nature.  I am like my mother.....I am a busy person.  I've come to know that I like busy because it keeps me from thinking too much.

The wound on my leg fought me.  I tried everything to get the better of it and nothing worked.  Nothing made it better and I became torn between keeping it covered, letting air to it, cleaning it, moisturizing it with ointments of every nature.  It consumed me.

I finally sought out the help of a wound care specialist and after 2 weeks, it is finally on the mend.  I'm not there yet.  There is still much stillness in my future, but I am feeling optimistic about the outcome.

But

I have been thinking how much this injury is like injuries we suffer that DON'T show.  We try to manage them ourselves, we cover them up, we apply medicine of different kinds and we suffer alone and quietly.

My first appointment to treat my wound involved debriding the scab (that hurt.....a lot), no medication of note was applied, just a thick heavy wrap of some sort of cool wrapping material, cotton and finally an elastic bandage from my instep to my knee. Subsequent visits have been the same routine.

It occurs perhaps we have to heal other wounds in much the same manner.  We can't hide them behind a thickening scab, we have to keep knocking it off no matter how painful it is.  We have to get below and examine the nasty hurting part that refuses to heal.  And then we have to wrap it carefully in what we know will work.....all the while knowing, we will most likely have to do it over and over again.

But....if we are lucky and we persist....the wound becomes smaller and smaller with each application of care.  And eventually we will find it is gone leaving a little mark to remind us what we suffered and what we triumphed over.

Our hearts are the same.  It is my opinon that broken hearts are stronger when they heal because we have to do the work over and over again until those breaks become faint memories........and lessons.

It hurts to pick off a scab........it hurts and it feels good all at the same time.  It's like a punishment for carelessness.  Not being careful in our behavior or with our feelings and hearts.  But until we see below it and find what is festering there....those wounds will never heal.

And so, my treatment for wounded spirits will forever be this going forward:

Don't let the scab deter you....pick it off and see what lies beneath.

Apply cool bandages of God's love and care for you and realize that HE loves you always, no matter how broken you are.

Give yourself a little padding.....distance from hurtful things and people to keep you from bumping your sore spot where it requires your focus all the time.

And last....wrap yourself in the love of those who never fail you, who have your back, who want the best for you.....allow it to be constricting.....there are times we all need to be held together tightly in order to keep from flying apart.

And then...

Be Still

Be still and know that God has you and He loves you and He will not let anything prevail against you if you truly ask and believe in His absolute sovereignty over your life.

And finally....you will heal and then you can help others heal as well.

A Muddy Track

 Much is being said this week about the celebratory attitude of some over their huge accomplishments in making things better for the "common man".

You know who isn't celebrating?  The common man.  You know those people who are watching retirement funds shrink at an alarming rate, groceries go skyrocketing up and up, the inability to find products that they actually need in their every day "common" lives....like baby formula.  Those "common" people who are lucky enough to have jobs, are starting to see diminishing work due to supply chain issues, over reaching contol by those "celebrants" and they start to be uneasy about their future.  I'm not crazy about the term "fixed income" because really aren't most of us on a "fixed income" - even those with jobs still have to live within the confines of a budget.  But the celebrants don't.  They can have what they want, when they want it, where they want it and how they want it because the "common" man is out there sweating his life away to make sure there is money in the coffers of the "celebrants."

Our country is a muddy track right now and the "common" man is the only one slogging through while mud collects on his shoes and clothes, weighing him down, slowing him down....eventually he will tire...

And stop.

The "celebrants" tell you they are working hard for you.  But, their entitlement belies their empty words.  From their walled in residences and lofty perches in the seat of power, they look down on the "common" man and laugh.

They used to be careful how they said it........now they are emboldened and just speak their disgust in plain and disparaging words.  How many ways do they have to say it, Deplorable, Trumptards, Neo-Nazis, there is literally nothing to vile to describe a very large part of our country.  And they don't stop and they won't stop.

The whole celebration we are observing right now is evidence of their disconnect with humanity.  And while there are some who are wondering how they can be so oblivious to what is actually happening,  they really aren't.

What they are celebrating is the fact they have been able to do exactly what they have always intended on doing.  Driving America to its knees, making its' citizens fearful and timid, making us look to the seats of power for help instead of depending on ourselves.  Every time you see one of them with their big popping eyes, pointing fingers, clenched fists and angry faces preaching in front of backdrops designed to intimidate, there is another nail driven in the coffin of our country.

And so..........do you want to do a victory lap?  I sure don't.  I am just going to be content to still be in the race as long as I am allowed to be.  And I do realize that for some....admitting that voting from a position of hatred was likely the biggest mistake you have ever made and therefore, you must stick by your choice even as your own well being goes swirling down the toilet.  But, if you are really honest you have to know this guy, the big guy....was an abysmal mistake and failure.  And he is also merely the dancing grinning puppet on the strings of someone else who is calling all the shots.  Someone who has no love for our country.

Are you going to let this happen?

We often hear...........vote for change.  Well, yes please do.....vote to change this muddy track to a nice sandy loam with a hard base so that we can all take a victory lap.  And pray....always pray for discernment in your thinking and for the ability to see the big picture when making your decisions.  For truly God is still on his throne and we are still his children who He promises to love and care for.  If we start really putting him into the equation, maybe He will heed our cries.

When the Walls Came Tumbling Down

 Like almost everyone over the age of 21 I remember this day vividly.  It stuns me to think now that there are kids reaching the age of voting who truly don't give this a passing thought.  It's a page in history books that doesn't affect them today.  Except it isn't just a fact....it affects everything now.

The anniversary of this horror sends me into a depression reminiscent of the one I felt for days, and weeks, and months after these unthinkable events.  My husband would tell you that for a very long time, I cried everyday.  I didn't have to imagine the tragedy, there were unending visual representations of it everywhere.

That was an event that broke me.

It broke me and then rebuilt me.

That was the day that a deep abiding patriotism and love of country and my fellow Americans came shooting forth and it has not abated.  It lit a burning fire inside me that will never be quenched.  There will always be a flag flying on my home....I will always sing the National Anthem and I will always say the pledge of allegiance even if it is only to myself, a ritual I conduct in quiet along with the Lord's Prayer.  It sets the tone of the day for me.

I always loved America.....you could not live in a world with my Daddy if you didn't.  And so for a long time I loved it because Daddy demanded it of  me.  But my broken heart fell in love with my country and its people for my own reasons that day.

The lives lost, senselessly.  The lives given, bravely.  The coming together of  a majority of Americans with a common purpose.  To heal, to grieve, to honor and to protect.  We all felt the darkening foreboding skies of unlenting grief which seemed to never have a end..........but ended in a blaze of white hot anger.

And we acted and we moved as a country, as a people, united.

No one had to call us or draft us or coerce us.  We just did the work.

And we promised.......we would not forget.

But some have.  It is a harsh lesson, a dirty lesson, a cruel lesson and a painful one that some people have wanted to shield their children from.  I get it.  But if  you don't talk to your children and your grandchilren about everything about that day....you do them a disservice.  They deserve to know how it affected YOU.  You still have their ear, you can still bring that day into a lesson for them.  It might not matter now, but the day is coming when they will understand exactly the what, where, who, why and how of your personal interpretation of events on 9-11.

I do not forget.

Centered

 Cross stitching has been the one hobby that I have continued to stay with.  Others come and go and I've actually done many other craft projects that I'm very proud of.  But cross stitching stays.  For me the biggest challenge in beginning a new project is finding the center.  It is crucial for the way I work to find the exact center of my fabric and of my pattern.  Once these are a known factor I start building my piece, stitch by stitch from the center.  The proper name for what I do is "counted" cross stitch because you are transferring a paper pattern's symbols for colors, etc. onto a blank canvas by counting each stitch in order to replicate the picture shown in the pattern.  

There is a spiritual lesson in my craft.

It occurs

Finding center is almost vital in life and all of its activities.

Centrally located - easy to find for everyone.

The game can't start until the center snaps the ball.

The level has the bubble in the center.

But what about us?  Are we centered?

Centered and grounded do not necessarily mean intractable or immovable.  It simply means we have found our emotional and moral center and once those are found we find a peace there.

Being centered is NOT the same as SELF-centeredness.  To be self-centered is to have an overreaching concern with one's self......"self love" (a big buzz word these days).....egotism.  Being self-centered usurps Biblical ccommands to love and care for others, to not pass judgment on others, to bear others' burdens, and to be kind and forgiving.  Self centeredness is directly opposed to the clear command, "No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."

Our dedication to self-love is rebellion against God's authority and is rooted in the fleshly desire to please ourselves more than God.  We supplant God's authority with our own ego.

The past few years have done much to ground me and more importantly to help me find my own center. At my core, I am a decent person who loves hard and forgives easily.  I do have a difficult time forgetting....well, except for this morning when I appeared at the drive through window of Burger King without first having availed myself of their ordering process.  I am not selfish, nor am I guilty of excluding people who have differing ideas and beliefs.

In finding my center, I found myself.  My true and authentic self which as it turns out was the person I always was but kept squashed down under perceived expectations of who and what I should be.  I had lost myself but God knew where I was all along.  And I realize that He was waiting for me to realize that He made a version of me that pleased Him and to try to be anything else would knock me off balance.  Tilting to one side or another long enough makes it very difficult to swing back to center unless you hand the reins to One who loves you best and allow Him to plant your feet firmly on the solid rock that is dead level.

Today, I found God in a cross  It was only a little stitch, but He was waiting there right in the center.

I'LL be the Judge of That! Oh, AND you!

Self appointed judges of our character.  People who love to point out our short comings, our failures, our inability to please.  An inability to please…..them.

Some of the most judgmental people I have ever seen have the worst character flaws imaginable.  And instead of spending any time in introspective thinking….they lash out delivering their judgement on others around them.  Oddly enough, they are very adept at delivering their judgements, hammering home their point and then………they vaporize before you can react, defend or try to engage in civil discourse.  You see, judgmental people are cowards.  They cannot allow any dissenting voice to penetrate their vile behavior.  Because they know....they know their behavior is wrong but as long as they don't have to hear anyone say so....it never happened.

Judgmental people quite often have a heaping helping of rampant narcissism to go along with their judgements.  They are perfect, they are the smartest, they are the most highly evolved, they have all the answers to all the issues of life and they NEVER make mistakes.  Well....not the mistakes YOU make.....and yours are THE WORST.  Therefore, there is no defense for you.  You are judged….found lacking….and sentenced to whatever punishment they see fit.

Usually the judgement is to remove you from their privileged and holy presence.

Hurt me.

I already have an unhealthy dose of self doubt, guilt, and remorse at times, and quite frankly….your judgement of me is actually quite weak in comparison to the nasty little platter of self loathing that I keep tucked away in emotional Tupperware to be revisited at will.

Could I judge you?  Oh, my dear….yes, yes I could.  Should I judge you?  That bitter little bugger that sits on my left shoulder screams……”DO IT….YOU’LL FEEL BETTER!”  And maybe I would….for a minute.  But then……my better angels will admonish me to rise, to keep silent….and to love…..even you.  And most of all, they counsel for me to let go of you and let God work his work in His time.

At this moment in time I am unchurched.  I am unchurched in a traditional sense.  I have become a person who has found that I want to hear God speak to me without it coming from someone else’s thought process or voice.  I have turned my thinking inward more definitively….I am constantly listening with my heart’s ears.  And, I hear.  And I am often led to The Book by events of the day.  And so, recently, the judgements of others on myself and other people have been playing heavily in real time, here is….and hear what God says to me and to you about judging.

“Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.  And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam is in thine own eye?  Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”  Matthew 7: 1-5

It is stunning to me to see the number of every Sunday church attendees that miss this lesson completely.  But, there I go judging.  Sorry.

I love the KJV of the Word – but I will attempt here to make this easier for some to understand.  Don’t judge anyone.  Because when you do, you are going to be judged yourself equally and more.  Stop looking at and pointing out flaws in others and ignoring your own big issues.  You can’t help anyone with their issues, problems or offenses until you deal with your own first.  Your knowledge of people is limited to what they have allowed you to know.  You do not know their big story...your know chapter 2, 5 and 20.  The things that happened in the other chapters are the things they have to manage daily....silently, and alone.

All I know is….I surely don’t want to be judged as harshly as I have judged some people.  I’m trying to stop doing that….how about you?